BOREDOM, DEPRESSION, AND GROWING OLD.

A Blessing Or A Curse. I still don't know whether my exceptional ability to recall things that happened years ago is a blessing or a curse. I may not know where I left my keys last night but I can tell you about my first day of school when they asked us to count as far as we could. I stopped at 13 because I was embarrassed at all the attention. Donald cried, Melvin counted to 100. These flashbacks come to me when I least expect them. I remember one of my first classes when I was a psychology grad student in the 70's. I was assigned a paper about the problems males face in adjusting to changes in the social environment. I wrote a paper entitled Chauvinist Pigs. I thought one of the problems men face would be growing old and losing their physical strength. I was in my 30's at the time but it was one of my fears. I knew I would eventually have to face it but for now I would do what I could to live each day to the fullest without worrying about the future.



The Future Is now. I can no longer avoid it. I am a totally different person now than I was then. I have financial independence and freedom that I never dreamed of. (Not as abundant as a couple of years ago). I live in surrounded by nature with wildlife, vegetation, warm weather, and I can cool off in the summer and keep warm in the winter. Still, there is occasional boredom. How can I be bored in a place like this? I guess its time to call a spade a spade (Not a damned shovel like 40 years ago). It ain't really boredom folks, it's depression. Another memory just flashed through my mind as I heard the voice of Lou Holtz, former Notre Dame football coach at a motivational speech in San Diego. "Nobody wants to hear you whine."
He was right. I am not going to take anti-depressants nor ECT (electro convulsive therapy). That's what Earnest Hemingway did in 1961 just before he committed suicide. It might work for some folks but it didn't work for him and I don't think it would work for me.



This Is my Existence. Flash back to 1976. As a psychology graduate student, I was working as an assistant to a professor doing group therapy. Most of the participants in the group were in their early 30's and in the midst of some life crisis. The group leader asked each one to tell of all the things bothering them. As each one finished, he had them repeat the phrase, "and this is the existence I have created for myself. I remember this phrase to this day and I tend to repeat it to myself when I find myself complaining about something. I am living the path I chose. I created it for myself. I can change it if I wish. One thing I can't totally control is that I have a finite time left to exist and my body is a device that will wear out. We all face that fact and none of us can change it.



What About The Next Life? There is some evidence of an existence after this one. I have studied this issue and I must admit there is more evidence that it is true than not, but it is not the kind of evidence my scientific training has taught me to require before accepting something as fact. Frankly, I don't expect to find a concrete answer but I must continue to look. I don't believe anyone can know the answer beyond a shadow of a doubt. I have decided the best strategy for coping with the aging process is one of living in the here and now. Another principle I learned in my psychology training was the tendency towards "catastrophic expectations." Many times we imagine some future event as much worse than it turns out to be. That tendency keeps us from enjoying the present. Like the picture above. There is a beautiful woodpecker and if you look closely, you can see a cardinal in the lower left hand corner. Those lush green leaves are Magnolia leaves. Betty took this one a few days ago, somewhere around the day I was bored/depressed. On that day, I didn't allow myself to appreciate that scene. I may fall into that trap again some day but I will minimize it by appreciating the existance I have created for myself. On my next post, I will talk about personal financial strategies again. Thanks for reading.