WHAT IS A CAREGIVER?

Fall colors amid the greenery

An Accidental Discovery. One afternoon as I was moving around on the internet, I wandered into a chat room. My pre-conceived notion was that people who spend time in chat rooms fall into the "Get a life category." There were 10 or so people in this chat room titled "Caregivers" or something like that. I was welcomed right away and invited to stay. They asked me if I was a caregiver and I told them I handled some of the personal and financial affairs of my aunt and uncle who lived in an assisted living center in Denver. Apparently, that qualified me. One thing that impressed me was the quality fellowship that existed in this group. It kind of reminded me of when I would stop in the afternoons at Dairy Queen on my trips through Texas. There would often be a large table full of folks drinking coffee and talking about country life. I used to love eavesdropping. I remember one farmer talking about the cost of feeding his cattle and asking if his neighbors thought he could get food stamps for them. Another time, I remember a bunch of farmers in straw hats and overhauls talking about the hard drives and random access memory on their computers. I think chat rooms like the caregiver group are sort of an offshoot of the afternoon coffee clubs but without the coffee.

What is a Caregiver? In the beginning, my definition of a caregiver would have been someone who takes care of one or more disabled persons who can no longer care for themselves. There were several like that in this chat room. Some were professional caregivers, the most common being nurses; however, the majority were individuals who had cared for spouses or family members during an extended terminal illness. One of the older men in the group had spent several years, taking care of a spouse for several years after having a stroke. Another, man had spent several years taking care of an aging parent. He often spoke of the toll those years had taken on his life. One retired RN spent years taking care of her mother and was now engaged as a volunteer rehabilitating injured animals. Most of the participants were no longer involved in this activity since the care recipient had since died.

What impressed me most about this group was the bond between these individuals. Most had never met face-to-face and those who had did so only briefly. The word love was used frequently and this puzzled me since I had difficulty with the concept that people who knew each other only in cyberspace could really love each other. It was several years ago that I started visiting this "room." There is a designated time that the participants have set aside to meet and I usually try to attend most of the time. I do consider these individuals as friends, one of which I have visited several times via instant messages and discussed numerous problems that each of us may occasionally have.

The main reason I have included this story is that my definition of a caregiver has changed over the time I have participated in this group. The reason for this is that I have discovered a common thread among the participants. My theory is that they are caregivers, not because they spent time caring for another person, but because they continue to do things for others. There are countless examples among this group of people. Common characteristics are unselfishness, empathy for others, strong sense of community, and a strong set of principles. If we think about it, we all know people who fall into this category. The bottom line is that you aren't a caregiver because of what you do. It's because of what you are.

Not Much Progress. When I weighed in on Sunday, I weighed the same 167 pounds that I have observed for three weeks. In addition, my glucose levels remain higher than normal. These results illustrate how we can let our health deteriorate to the point that it becomes very difficult to manage. I have allowed this to happen over an extended period and now I realize how hard it will be to change it. There are two principles that apply to my future prospects. 1. Tenacity. When we find a goal to be very difficult to accomplish, we often decide that it is no longer worth pursuing. 2. Stupidity. Continuing to do the same thing while looking for a different result is stupid. I am not going to give up and next week I am going to try some different tactics. I will let you know how this works next week.